Well, I gave up chocolate for Lent. Not for health reasons - I would feel kind of guilty using Lent for that - I did it for spiritual reasons.

But still, I am noticing some definite health effects! First of all, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be (and it still is). I thought it would be easy to give up chocolate, because I can still eat other sweets.

It is not the same, though. Nothing else satisfies that chocolate craving. I did not realize how addicted I was to chocolate. I still crave it a lot, although the first days were the hardest.

I wonder what it is about chocolate. Is it the caffeine? Or the fat? But I can eat other fatty foods and drink tea for the caffeine. I still crave the chocolate.

On the plus side, I am not as tempted to eat sweets. Maybe my craving for sweets was really just a craving for chocolate? I have been eating a lot of sweets anyway, just to try and quiet that chocolate craving. But it doesn’t help.

I think I will just have to give up trying to satisfy the craving. Nothing works anyway. I might as well eat healthy.

What a concept!

Sorry but I think this is going to be a whiny post. I guess I have to do that once in a while.

I have not been walking much lately, since it has gotten so cold here in Wisconsin. The path by the river is full of snow, and they don’t plow it. My dog does not like walking in deep snow.

Besides, I have been stressed out and eating lots of chocolates and other junk.

I have put on weight again. Last time I weighed myself, I was at 205 - and I started at 207. I had gotten down to 200, so what happened?? Aaarghhh!

I feel so fat too. It is actually getting hard to move around. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before. I guess it will be just more of the same if I don’t get on the stick here.

I did do one good thing - I stopped by the Y on the way home and got their pool schedule. I love to swim, and I haven’t been to the Y in over a year. I think I will just try to start swimming a couple of times a week. It is better than nothing. Better to start slow.

I feel kind of guilty for leaving my dog alone in the evening to go swimming, when I am gone all day at work. But this is serious — I really need to do something. She will just have to survive without me.

So enough whining — I am going to do something about my weight. Besides the swimming, I will try to eat healthier too.

Lately I have been getting out of breath with the slightest exertion. It was starting to worry me quite a bit.

So I have made up my mind to walk the dog for a longer walk twice a day. Instead of our usual 1 or 2 blocks, we are walking about a mile along the nature trail by the river twice a day. It was hard at first, because I was getting out of breath, but I kept on. Now it is much easier already, and I have only been doing it for about 5 days so far. I can go the whole way now without being winded.

It is amazing what such simple changes can do.

Finally, the holidays are over! I will try to blog more regularly now.

I was doing great with my no-sugar routine until our office pig-out day (where everyone brings in treats). I started eating the fudge, then some cookies, etc. If I would have just stopped there, it would have been fine, but after that, I kept eating sweets the whole Christmas season long. Now I am addicted to sugar and chocolate again. I’m going to have to start over again, trying to get off it. Of course, I also gained back 4 of the 7 pounds I lost.

Regarding the 5-HTP I mentioned last time, I did take it for about a week or so. The first couple of days, it seemed to help, but after that I felt worse. I stopped taking it. It is hard to explain; it was a subtle feeling, but I felt kind of damped down. My moods were on a more even keel, but I was not happy.

Since stopping the 5-HTP, I have felt a lot happier. I complain a lot about the holidays, but there were some happy moments. For example, just in the last couple of days …. New Year’s Day was great here - the weather was so sunny and warm. This morning I felt really happy too. Every little thing made me feel happy - like the way I could see the moon large and low in the sky even after the sun came up. The good feelings lasted until I got to work.

Work is part of my problem. It is boring and unsatisfying. I eat a lot more at work than I do at home. I am trying to decide what to do about that.

I always like it when a new year starts. It feels like a blank slate. Whatever happened in the old year is wiped away. So I have high hopes for this new year.

For one thing, I really have to get some exercise. Lately I feel so out of breath when I do anything physical, even takilng a walk or going up the stairs. I have never been this out of shape before! Of course, they say the gyms are filled with new members after New Year’s because of all the people who have made New Year’s resolutions to exercise. I don’t want to be one of that crowd. Maybe I will just exercise at home for a while.

Anyway, here’s to a New Year of great possibilities and achievements! Good luck to you all, and may all your wishes come true.

This post might be confusing - sorry - there is a lot swirling around in my mind.

I didn’t realize that I was a little depressed until a few weeks ago, when I suddenly had some episodes of actual happiness. I had not felt that for a while, and it was pretty fleeting, so it made me realize that I really do have some low-grade depression.

Before I go on, I am not clinically depressed in a serious way. I was a long time ago, so I know what that’s like. If you are clinically depressed - very depressed for over a few weeks - then please see a doctor immediately! Depression is not something to fool around with. It can be fatal (suicide).

Right now, though, I am just mildly depressed. Those happy episodes have stopped too.

I was trying to figure out what caused the happy spells, and I think it had something to do with the changes I had made in my eating - either going off of Lean Cuisines, trying to eat healthier, eating protein with each meal, or stopping Aspartame (Nutra-Sweet - in many sodas, etc.). In the meantime, life has been hectic, I am not sleeping enough again, I am drinking sodas with Aspartame, etc.

Anyway, today, I happened across a site that mentioned 5-HTP as a more “natural” cure for depression. It is supposed to increase your serontonin levels. Other (probably better) ways of increasing serontonin are exercise or eating certain foods. But the depression is dragging me down so much now (I just realized that winter could be part of it - not enough daylight) - that I think I might need a little help.

So on the way home I stopped at Wal-Mart (yes I hate it too), and picked up some 5-HTP, 50mg, capsules. That was the only strength they had; one site recommended starting at 25 mg and working up, but I guess 50 is ok, some people take a lot more. (Disclaimer: As it says in the footer, I am not a doctor, talk to your doctor before taking anything.) Don’t take 5-HTP if you are on antidepressants. I read that the interactions can be really dangerous.

I took one with dinner - I guess I’ll see what happens. I am not usually a fan of taking a lot of medications, but this is supposed to be more natural, and I really could use a boost. Depression is the pits. I read that 5-HTP could keep you awake - hope that doesn’t happen. But I wanted to see the side effects, if any, while I was home, not at work.

Anyway, now, the connection between depression and weight. I have noticed for a long time, that a lot of overweight people are also unhappy. I think a lot of us overeat as a form of trying to self-medicate the depression. Because certain foods do make us feel better for a while.

By the way, a great book (fiction) dealing with addiction and trying to self-medicate your problems away with drugs (I realized I do this with food as I was reading it) is Rachel’s Holiday, by Marian Keyes. I love all the books by Marian Keyes. They are great “chick lit”. But this one is more. (Sorry, I read a lot, so I am going to throw in a lot of book recommendations, just because I like to.)

Well, I could say a lot more about this whole subject of depression and weight, but it will have to wait till another time - I’m pretty tired right now. I’ll do another post on it soon.