The first, and one of the hardest, things I need to work on is getting enough sleep.

I have seen studies on this (don’t ask me where - I read a lot but don’t remember where I read things). One of the things that contributes to weight gain is not getting enough sleep. I know it is true in my case. If I’m tired, I eat just to keep going. And mostly what I eat to keep going is sweets - to get that sugar kick. Plus I drink lots of caffeine, which makes me hungrier. Sometimes I get so tired at my desk at work that I just keep eating anything to stay awake.

And try giving up sugar or eating healthy when you’re tired - ha! All I care about is surviving through the day.

It is so hard for me to get to bed early, though. The evenings are my time, after a long day at work. I have so many things I want to do, or things I want to read, or whatever.

I have been getting up an hour later than I should be lately, because I’m so tired. That means I get to work an hour later (good thing I have flex-time), and get home an hour later - so I end up staying up later… it’s a vicious circle.

If I’m going to get to bed earlier, I am going to have to get up when I should (5 am during the week). So, I thought of an idea - I think I am going to have to reward myself for getting up on time. I would like to reward myself with a nice leisurely breakfast and reading the paper, but I don’t have time for that. So what could I use as a reward? Well, this may sound weird, but I need a new robe - my old one is at least 10 years old and falling apart. I thought I would buy myself a beautiful silky new robe. When I get up on time, I get to wear the new robe. If I get up late, I have to wear the ratty old one.

It’s all about pampering myself without using food. I think we fat people are used to pampering ourselves with food, but we often feel guilty pampering ourselves any other way. We put everyone else ahead of ourselves.

I bought myself a new winter coat the other day. It has this wonderful soft “fur” (not real) around the collar. It feels so good against my neck. I just love wearing the coat. It is so cozy too - lightweight yet very warm. That’s the kind of feeling I would like to get from this new robe. I will have to see if I can find one this weekend.

I am going to think some more about pampering myself in general. I think it would help.

Now, what should I use for a reward for actually getting to bed on time? I am thinking I should be in bed by 10:00 - that would be 7 hours of sleep. I should really start getting ready at 9:00 - I have so much to do - brushing my teeth, letting the dog out, rinsing out her dishes from supper, washing any pots and pans in the sink (I always put this off, but don’t like to go to bed with stuff in the sink), etc. So if I start to get ready at 9:00, I could maybe be in bed at 9:30. I thought of rewarding myself with 1/2 hour of reading time in bed, but I get into a book too much, and then it would be hard to shut off the light at 10:00.

I can’t really think of a reward that wouldn’t just keep me awake longer - maybe I should try visualization instead. But that’s a post for another day.

I’ll let you know how this works out.

I think it is going to take a lot of little lifestyle changes to lose the weight. It is not going to be as simple as, just do this one thing and you will lose it all.

I actually tried the Shangri-La Diet a few months ago. Basically, you have to take either oil or sugar water each day (the details are a little more complex). This is supposed to suppress your appetite, and it did work. The trouble was, I did not feel good on the diet at all. And it seemed very unnatural. I was afraid it was damaging my health.

I would rather change my lifestyle to lose the weight. That way, it would be easier to keep it off, and it would be healthier too.

I have a lot of ideas for changes to make. The hard part is actually creating new habits. Hopefully this blog will help me out, and keep me accountable, so that I can make permanent changes.

I weighed 118 pounds when I graduated from high school. I am 5′5″, so that was skinny.

By the end of college, I weighed about 130-135 lbs. Still not bad. When I was pregnant with my son, I weighed 165 lbs. at my heaviest. I felt huge. A couple of years later, I weighed 165 again, without being pregnant.

Every time I got to 200 lbs., I got busy, got on a diet, and got the weight down by about 20-25 lbs. The most I ever weighed was 205 lbs. Until now.

Now I weigh 207 lbs. Only 3 more till I get to 210. If that happens, I will cry. How did it come to this, from the skinny girl that I was? This isn’t me.

I never considered myself fat. I just “needed to lose a few pounds.” I don’t look fat to myself. Just a little chubby. I “carry the weight well.” That is, it’s distributed pretty evenly, so my proportions are not too off.

Who am I kidding? I need to lose 1/3 of my body weight !! I am fat!!! I can’t deny it any longer.

I know if I put my mind to it, I can lose the weight. After all, I have lost 20-25 lbs. several times. I just always put it back on (and add a few more).

It is going to need a complete lifestyle change. Diets don’t work. I know I can do this, and I am taking you with me on my journey. Hopefully we will help each other.

I can’t go to 210. I just can’t.